I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
