You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
