Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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