do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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