You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
