So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Randomize