he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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