Got a toothbrush?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
