i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
