my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
