Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
