Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize