I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
