I just cut my nipple shaving
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
someone owes me an orgasm
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
