Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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