She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize