That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
