OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
