Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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