Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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