i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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