Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
