the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
