You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I will pee on everything he values.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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