I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
