kristin has been a bad kristin
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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