I heard we made out
It was confusing and full of hummus
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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