No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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