Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
