Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
