Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
