How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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