happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
