I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize