so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
