Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
