i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
