tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
