Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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