how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
