btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
