I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
