Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
