He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
