Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
