I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
