He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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