my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
