I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
