Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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