i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
