I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
