OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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