Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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