we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
