You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
