I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They have beer where we have blood.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
