We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
