Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
