Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
